Why is it such a struggle to love myself every day?
This is a great question that was asked Bobbie Hayes- DiDomenico.
I’m going to answer it from my own perspective.
I used to roll my eyes when I saw posts with people saying “love-yourself”.
What the eff does it mean?
It’s not like I go around hating myself, not consciously, right. I knew I was hard on myself, but I didn’t think that was self-hate. I just thought it was normal, the thing that needed to happen.
Then one day David Neagle asked me, “what happened to you?” and I said, “I wasn’t loved.”
And a light bulb went out …
I didn’t feel loved. I thought I was unlovable and I knew in my heart that I didn’t love me. I couldn’t really say it. That night I did a healing to bring my love back into me and I really started to love me.
With all the healing work I’d done, this was the first time, I could finally look in the mirror and say I loved myself.
That was the easy part.
Then the hard work started.
What would I do differently if I truly loved myself? I decided to stop beating on myself. I gave up being a workaholic as an act of self-love. It was like being whipped into submission. Self-love means allowing what wants to come from me to come through.
I say real work because this blew up my identity and who I thought I was. My whole identity was shattered in a whole minute and I spent the next 12-months lost and dazed. It’s what is called the dark of the night soul. It’s the space between the old and the new.
Do I love myself every day?
It’s a practice.
It’s practice for everyone. it’s a dance with our inner being.
When I catch myself (I don’t always), I change.
What it boils down to is the ability to identify where I’m hating on myself (should, have to’s, holding on) and to let go of what I think I should do and just be me.
It’s how I was able to break my diet coke habit last summer and start running. I saw these things as acts of self-love, not obligations to be hard on myself. I kept the running and I must break the diet-coke addiction again.
It’s also I started to expand my vision and receive more. Just-enough was a self-hatred practice. No more. I want more and it’s okay. No more judgement.
It’s a practice.
One day at a time.
Here’s something you can do practice …
- Identify one thing. Where i your life are you hating on yourself? Where are you denying yourself? How are you being hard on yourself?
- Do you want to change it and why? Make a conscious decision. If you don’t do this, you’re not going to change it.
- What would be an act of self-love? This could be drinking more water. This could be making a decision to stop a relationship or to ask for what you really want.
- Go do it.